The ballad of love and hate
by Olga Kutcherova
Summary: Michael's balancing feelings between hating his love for Nikita or loving his hate for his irresistible weakness
1. Consuming hate

This is not any common fairy tale, this is certainly not a story where a brave prince saves his beloved princess from the heartless witch, neither is a simple love story where two lonely hearts meet one another, split up and refind their way their way to each other again.

This is a unique, strange, one of a kind history of two broken hearts that healed each other, hurt each other and almost killed each other in much more than one occasion. My dear friends, this is Michael and Nikita's story, a story about love and hate, about trust and betrayal, about lust and desire, fire and ice, that is what could describe them the best, ice for his cold temper, for the thick walls that he's built up around the mechanic tool that used to be a warm heart in what seems to be a million years ago. Fire for the rage that she's grown accustomed to, for the life she had or more specifically the one she never had, for the hate against her birth parents who abandoned her like she was worthless or for the disgust against her foster ones who proved her right.

God knows how slim were the chances that these two could meet and even slimmer that they could actually fall deeply and irrevocably in love with each other, if only they knew, if only they knew how wrong they were, that life never started at all for them, at least not before their eyes locked. Here is THEIR story, no need for speculations, there is nothing alike, never was and surely never will be. Oddly, we used to hear that the world will end in either fire or ice, but never about what happens if the two do collide …

Believe it or not, he still remembers every moment of that day, the day that changed his whole life, the day that proved him whatever happened in his life before didn't matter anymore, it mattered once, he knew that for a fact but he couldn't quite remember why. The first second he put his eyes on hers he got it instantly: trouble's coming his way.

He hated her, god knows how much he **hated** her, he **hated** her stubbornness, her insurance, the way she carried herself like nothing but her mattered, the way she talked as if she was never wrong, well she was often right, and to the most of them (especially men god he **hated** how she could attract every guy who had the bad luck to ever cross her way like a honey trap) she mattered a little too much, and well her stubbornness was kinda cute, but that was not the point! Couldn't she restrain herself a little for God's sake, stopping from being so…so Nikita and what the hell was that name anyway, it's like it was made for everything she was, a unique name for a unique person he thought, ahhh god he **hated** the fact that she was one of a million, that she could snap two necks with one hand in half a minute and still keep that big white heart of hers, virtuous Nikita *a clean soul in a deadly body*, he doesn't really get why everyone inside division believed that there was something between them! He **hated** everything about her, he **hated** their relationship, he hated how she teased him all the time and he hated how he felt when she did, that's the thing, the biggest thing he **hated** about HER was HIS feelings, the way his mouth automatically smiles in her presence, the way his heart seems to instantly respond when she's around, the way he's excited like a horny teenager during their hand to hand combat… Damn it he had hundreds of female recruits who were far from being repulsive and he never lost his self control, hell he never actually cared! She was/is his greatest weakness, he never knew addiction before her, it was as if she was his own kind of coke, his flawless flaw, a flaw he **hated** more than anything. If only she could manage to find another victim to torture, not that almost every single man evaded her juicy trap, oh no far from it! Nobody could and if he didn't **hate** every single one who put his eyes on her so much that he wanted to rip his heart out he might sympathize with… actually no, he didn't, and she'd better not find another victim 'cause it might turn into a real bloodbath. He's not jealous, he never felt jealousy about anything in his whole life, that had nothing to do with jealousy, it's just that the thought of her talking, looking, smirking, flirting, smiling, touching, kissing anyone but him was not considerable. Not that they kissed once noo never…. Well just for the good wil of a mission, not to blow up a cover and he felt nothing really! It even felt awkward, d**eliciously **awkward, **incredibly **awkward! And there was that time when they both lost control and almost, well almost…. That's was not the point neither. Not to mention her beloved puppy who followed her everywhere she went (during her long time cover) Daniel pff what a name, he **hated** Daniel, he** hated **his kindness, he **hated** how greatly he treated her and most importantly he** hated** the fact that he could give her the life she deserves, the life she's always dreamed of, he** hated** those dreams of hers! Great, now he's going nuts! God she going to be the end of him… And he** hated **that so much! Funny thing is; she'll never know how much he **hated **HER…


	2. Third wheel

**So sorry for the long wait, and thank you so much for all the kind reviews I feel blessed, English isn't my first language, neither is my second actually :p and this is my first attempt in your Fanfiction world so thanxx again, I accept all kinds of criticism don't go easy on me**

He waited two or three rings before she finally picked up or he thought so,

"Hi" he simply said

"Ww… It's not Nik… I'm not her, who… who is that?" answered Daniel (Nikita's current lap dog or more commonly known as her 'boyfriend' for the 'intimates' Michael thought)

"Who ARE you?!" He asked more as a formality and a lot louder and rusher than needed "Where is she?"

"She? SHE is showering" said Daniel nonchalantly "Do you have a message for when she's done?"

"Excuse me! Are yy…" he got quickly interrupted as Nikita took the phone from her _lover _and said warmly "Morning sunshine!"

That sarcastic tone that used to have so much power on him didn't get the response expected, instead he regained control over himself, gathered some composure and answered with that same cold icy trenchant tone that was far from unfamiliar to her, that tone that he usually used with other recruits, with Birkhoff when he gets on his nerves, even with Amanda when she starts with her psychological torturing theories, but rarely with her, never with her and suddenly she felt … uneasy as if she did something very displaced, as if she's being grounded for flanking classes "You're needed at the office, NOW" was all he said a simple sentence, that sent shivers through her spine, she freezed for a little while her phone glued to her ear not even realizing that he'd already hung up.

"Who was that?" asked Daniel innocently

"Office" she simply said, and he didn't asked for more he knew that she wouldn't give him more anyway, Nikita wasn't the kind of girls who could talk openly about anything and everything that had happened in their lives, about family, ex-boyfriends or even work for that matter, she had a part of mystery that magnifies you instantly, he knew too well that with mystery comes trouble, sure, if he had known what kind of complicated woman he was dealing with from the beginning, he wouldn't have thrown himself into her arms, even less would he have held onto her so strongly, but what could he do about it now? He fell and he fell deep, he was in love with her, he loved her, he loved her so much that he doubted he ever loved anyone before her, she was his everything, since he met her, he stopped existing for himself and started living for her, for the only purpose to see her smile, hear her laugh, of course he wouldn't tell her that, she'd run from him as fast as she came, and he couldn't risk that he'd die, he knew that he would die without her, then he knew, he knew for a fact that she didn't love him as much as he loved her (he didn't expect her to) but he knew that her heart belonged to someone else, yes she cared about him, enough not to leave him at least, but he knew, he knew that he'd never be enough against whoever shadow he was fighting, she was the love of his life, unfortunately he was well aware that he was not hers.

As soon as the elevator doors opened up she was greeted by one of Percy's boys who told her she had to head to Operations where the cavalry was waiting for her.

"Nikita, finally we were getting impatient" said Percy with a little too much joy in his voice; something was definitely up,

"Yeah sorry I'm late, what's up" She answered hiding every hint of worry she carried in her chest.

"A new mission" she heard a feminine deep voice coming from behind "A cover up mission to be specific hope it doesn't bother you…" continued Amanda

"Why would it bother me, that's what I am here for, aren't-I?" said the youngest woman as she threw a cold look Michael's direction who by the way stood quiet from the beginning of this odd conversation.

"Well then, as I see that everyone's at the same page, I present you Francis Dubois, a French gun trafficker better known under the name of 'Le Chevalier Blanc' I know I know modest name for such a profession, and if he kept his business around France or even in Europe he wouldn't interest us at all but he decided to expand in the US territory, more power and all that… "

"Kill mission" cut off Nikita a bit too fast more as a statement than a question

"Yes but it has to be quiet, no footprints nothing"

"Why I mean, this guy sounds like a real douche bag a lot of people must want him dead, why so much discretion?" Asked Nikita with a curious tone as Michael smirked to her question she could never let go, could she…

"That doesn't matter for now Birkhoff will go through the details of your mission with both of you good lu.."

"Both of us?" cut Nikita

"Yes, Michael and you" said Percy

"Who's Michael?" She asked with a serious face as Michael rolled his eyes, what kind of sick game was she playing at now

"Nikitaa!" said Michael allowing everyone to hear his smoky voice but weirdly, what he wished could come as a warning sounded more like an amused tone

"New recruit?" She teased "I mean it can't be you this is a field mission, and you're kind of a … Desky boy, I'm just not that sure that you're up for this you know it might be dangerous" she teased again

As Percy rolled his eyes a chuckle escaped from Amanda, it felt so good to see that someone is able to disturb the indisturbable Michael, he's always been a mystery to her, obsessed with human brain she found Michael's behavior -his ability of hiding his thoughts and more importantly his emotions- fascinating. Now seeing that one person could have that impact on him amused her a lot.

"Desky what? I've been on more missions than you could actually count!" He told her defensively

"Come on Mickey, saying operation's go and pack up we're done over an earpiece doesn't count" said Nikita rolling her eyes

They kept arguing over Michael's abilities not even realizing that Percy and Amanda have excited the room and that they were left alone with Birkhoff who was watching the show with a grin on his face

"What are you laughing at?" Asked Michael faking hurt

"Oww are you pouting now? Isn't that cute! Don't worry we'll give you a double Kevlar for your classy suit and a pair of gloves so you don't ruin that pretty manicure of yours" Said Nikita instead

3 hours later:

"La princesse est prete?" asked Nikita

"Operation Chevalier Blanc is g…" said Michael stopping mid-sentence as he figured what he was about to say "Oh go to hell" he finished. This is going to be a long week he thought, funny thing is, she thinks she got out with her crappy situation with her beloved lover, if only she knew how wrong she was, if only she knew that both of them ,being in the same op, was far from a coincidence. This week she will forget her beloved puppet's name…

***la princesse est prete?=" is the princess ready?" in french **

**Awful chapter I know and it was almost *Mikitaless* so sorry about that I'll make it up to you in the next chapter (: **


	3. The beginning of the end

It was a long, grueling and kind of boring flight, since mister whatever the hell was his last name decided to use the silence strategy, the least she could say is that he was angry at her for something she knew nothing about, hell she wasn't even going to try and find out what it was, to be honest she was sick tired of his bipolar issues, whatever problem he had with her it didn't matter anymore, she's done trying to figure HIM out, done understanding his behavior, done thinking about him, well yes, she was doing all that right now but it was the last time she promised herself

"Hello, welcome to the _7 Eiffel Hotel …"_ greeted the young brunette receptionist smiling widely to Michael "Do you have a reservation?" she continued finally spotting the mind-blowing creature standing behind him as the smile faded away, well who was she fooling there was no way in hell a guy like that was single…

"Grant, Mr. and Mrs." he said politely.

Great so much for that damn promise '_asshole_' Nikita thought to herself as she followed him to the elevator.

She had to admit, the suite (with only one king sized bed woohoo to cover up missions, she thought sarcastically_ –or not-_) was breath-taking, classy, nothing extravagant, all decorated in black and grey with hints of warm colors here and there, and that had nothing on the spectacular view it offered, a view she certainly won't have time to appreciate, well at least she will have the honor to kick some asses, **bad **asses **she corrected herself, and more importantly it would be with Michael, she never went on a mission with** him, of course she wasn't dumb, she knew that a guy with his combat and shooting skills did a lot of missions, all very important, Percy would never let such precious powers go wasted, yes, she teased him about it, a lot actually, but that was a fact, for a man as young as him to get where he was he must've gone through some pretty tough things, must've **done **some pretty huge things, and that's what was bothering her, THIS mission was an easy mission, then what the hell was _he_ doing here, she's more than capable of taking care of it by herself, was Michael doubting her abilities? Did he think she had softened after her long time 'quiet' cover? No, it wasn't that she a_lmost _kicked his ass the last time they fought; maybe he needed an easy mission to prove something, yeah when was the last time they fought anyway, she missed their combat sessions, their teasing games_… His sculpted muscles, his perfect body moving in synch with hers, his…_

"There is no such thing as an easy mission" said Michael shutting down her fantasy

She started to blush then figured that there was no way he knew what she was thinking about, again screw that promise

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed as he paid full attention to what she was about to say "I exist! You have a tongue and you can actually talk! Please everyone, he can talk" she yelled as he grabbed her from behind and put a hand on her mouth trying to silence her, she giggled and turned around finding herself at centimeters from his face, their noses brushing against each other, then all went black, or red she didn't quite know, an electrical shot run down her spine, she felt dizzy, wanted to look away, to break that damn connection, all she had to do was looking away, c'mon Nikita you can do this look away; no she couldn't she can't, how could she while all she thought about was his strong hands locked tightly around her, his gaze wondering from her lips to her eyes and traveling back again to her lips, his pupils so dilated that they turned black, and his lips, shit his lips was too close why the hell did she have to talk about his tongue, now all she could think about was his tongue teasing hers, fighting hers, moving down her body…

"I have to go through it… The plan I mean, I have to go through the plan before we head down"

And of course **he **interrupted her crazy naughty thoughts again -at the right time- **he **had the will to, why could **he** keep his control while **she **couldn't, she could say anything she wants **he **was stronger, strong enough to fight whatever feelings he had for her, whatever feelings _she thought _he had for her, maybe she was deluding herself all along after all, maybe he was interested in all his recruits, maybe he was as icy and heartless as everyone seem to look at him, maybe her obsession of figuring out what went so wrong in his life that broke him so much made her see things that weren't there that were never there in the first place, just maybe the excuse he used back in Russia, _him, mourning his family,_ was nothing but an excuse, anyway she didn't care about all that right now, she had Daniel, even if it was doing against Division's primal rule -_as if dreaming about what could your handler do to you in every Division corner was all allowed-_ **Daniel** is a good man, Daniel isn't afraid to talk about his feelings, Daniel isn't playing weathervanes all the time, he would follow her through hell -_not that he knew what hell meant-_ and that's what she liked about him, he wasn't like them, he wasn't like **him**, he had a normal life, a simple normal life and he never ever complained about that, he didn't care about **national security** more than about life itself, she likes Daniel he is a good man… She shook her head, she had a mission to finish, a mission she's going to do greatly with her partner, her ex-handler, her mentor, a friend, yes, **this **was nothing else than a **mission **with a friend, and **she **was 'fine' with that.

Of course, she would bother to answer him if he didn't storm out of the suite like a thief caught red handed, something was off about this guy really, oh god here she go again, **he's going to be the end of her…**

**Thanks again for all the nice reviews, you're so lovely and YES I am French! well (a moitiée je dirais :p) encore merci a tout le monde je vous adore **


	4. Constant variability

A clear mind that's all he needed, to clear his damn mind _'stop thinking about it, don't turn around stop thinking about it!' _he commanded himself because that's how he works, that's how he always did; whatever the problem was the key is to brush it off, he understood that a while ago, if you want to step out of any screwed-up situation you need to _stop thinking about it_, then why in hell couldn't he do that now, it wasn't that hard! The constants are clearly defined _She _was his recruit 'ex recruit' he was her handler 'well ex handler' they were both _Division _and DIVISION prohibited any kind of personal involvement, and he gets that, he understands their reasons, it was irresponsible, frankly stupid, and led nowhere safe! It was irrational and he didn't like irrational, he didn't do irrational! Not even before Division, not even before he became that cold-hearted bastard. He was a wise man, a thoughtful man, a man of constants. And what is the only thing he does? Well he runs to Division's best operative, Percy's golden girl, well he couldn't disagree! The woman was good she was really good, the most awful thing in that? He had nothing to do with that goodness, she was naturally gifted, she was the best, so good that sometimes he wondered if she wasn't better than _him_! She had that rage in her that once he advised her to use to her advantage, an advise she more than considered, but it wasn't just that she was smart, the goddamn woman was the smartest person he ever met. All those qualities were clearly the abilities Division looked for, and she had them, she had them all and even more, she IS perfect for Division, it looks like she was made to be there. The problem is he never wanted her there, he wanted her as far as possible from that place, he couldn't bear the mere sight of her inside those walls. Every mission she went to was a permanent torture to him, even the good ones, the _right _ones. And of course there were the 'other' missions, _Josephine's _missions, he tried to stay away from those, at reasonable distance from her targets, blowing her cover wouldn't do any goods neither to her, nor to Division. If he could he'd take her away from that place, away from Percy, away from his darkness, show her that there is another way to live, something brighter, purer! He was sure she would like it… Wait a minute, stopped his conscience 'a_nother life? You almost kissed and you're already thinking about another life? What happened to you avenging your family! This is nothing else but a distraction, an obstacle to your real goal, there is no other life your life ended years ago with your family's'. _Yes that was the bitter truth, he lost his way, he had no feelings for the damn woman, what was happening was clear, he could explain it, she was a beautiful woman, and he was a man, he was attracted to her that was it, what made him so sure that she would walk away with him anyway, well yes, he could feel her body respond to his touches and… no that was nothing it doesn't matter, he has a mission and he has to do it well, for Percy for Division, Division was the only thing that mattered to him, the only way to get Kasim, that was why he was there is the first place, Nikita didn't matter, her _fate _mattered even less. '_Liar!' _cried his conscience. Great! Even his conscience was going nuts because of this girl, what was he thinking, what was he doing here? How fool he was, planning on playing her feelings so she could give up on Daniel, was a very bad idea. Yes he was a man of constants, one variable he forgot though, _HER!_ With her, he was nothing else but a shattered, thoughtless, little boy.

So much for clearing-his-mind idea! It was too late anyway, they had a mission to fulfill and they were running out of time, shit in his hurry he forgot to warn her about the reception, now she's gonna take a good hour to get ready, decidedly he was totally out of it today. He collected his thoughts, took a great breath of fresh air, he didn't feel much better from when he left the room but his composed face was back on –at least he hoped so- and he was ready to face _the monster_! God he felt ridiculous, she was just a girl, he wasn't going to be afraid of a girl now was he? As he opened the door he was instantly greeted by a long flawless back ending with just an enough amount of fabric, the split was so low that it showed a little trace of the ink that represented her Phoenix tattoo, that damn tattoo that he could never resist, he saw it a couple of times or so. She was stunning, illegally stunning, deadly stunning. He wasn't sure if such a beauty should exist, it was so unfair for the rest of them, and suddenly he felt pity for her targets, poor guys there was no way in hell they could break out from her spell without even knowing her, their faith was sealed. God _she was a monster_…

"You're ready" he said not knowing if it was a question or more of a statement, either way it was stupid, she was clearly ready he cursed himself

"Oh hi didn't hear you coming, euh yeah Nerd called thanks for reminding me by the way, felt like a real dumb" she said turning to face me and she was even more beautiful well if that was possible "with _NERD _can you imagine how _impossible _that sounds!" he couldn't keep a chuckle she sounded like herself again, so carefree, he liked that even if it hurt a little and he couldn't know why, matter of factly right now he doesn't think his brain knows exactly how to work.. as he stood still not saying a word she continued with the same light mood

"So that's what you're wearing?" he asked trying to sound as impassive as possible

"Yes Michael, why?" she answered with a hint of irritation in her voice

"Nothing… it's just… it seems… you look…" as she kept staring blankly at him he continued breathing deeply "a wrong move and they can spot the tattoo, we want to avoid any possible recognition" waouh he applauded internally impressed by his own _rational_ answer.

"Oh yeah you're right! Mind helping me out?" With what he wondered "covering it up" she says answering his silent question. He never wins with her does he! "Sure" he says as he swallows hard and flashing his so assured smile.

And there he was, on his knees his mouth at inches from her naked back, touching her soft delicate skin with the head of his fingers, savoring the moment, covering the top part of her phoenix, his body and soul aching for more, and there he felt it, he didn't just _want _her it went much further than that he _needed_ her and he needed her bad!

"Thank you" she stops his reverie and helps him up "Percy asked about you, I mean about where you were when he called" he stared blankly at her surprised at the sudden change of subject, and then remembered that there was no subject, only his dark fantasies "I told him you were gone figuring some stuff out"

"Excuse me?!" he busted not even knowing what else to say, right then his imagination ran wild about all the possible ways out of this, a reprimand for him, a cancellation for her, as his eyes grew wild to this unbearable thought she said "The plan Michael! Jeez you look about to explode!" She took two steps in his direction, he couldn't move, it was like his feet didn't respond or anything else for that matter, his body wasn't his anymore she stretched one hand on his cheek and said with the soft voice of an angel –a devilish angel- pointed out his conscience "What is it, everything's okay?" he could sense a real hint of worry in her voice which helped in taking him out of the comatose/weird state of mind he was in, he took her hand in his and lowered it softly from his cheek making sure to lengthen the moment as long as possible "Everything's okay, let me just put something on and we can head down okay?" she nodded as he went to the closet "and Nikita?"

"Yes?"

"You look delightful" she smiles at him with that perfect genuine smile of hers and he had to focus very hard not to take her right then and there

The reception was fine, very fancy with a lot of people who, at first sight looked more like snobbish fools, come here to show off, who was the richest and who was the fanciest, and that was probably the case for the most of them, not those that interested him of course, money was nothing else for him than a blur for his enemies, he didn't get everyone's a_ttraction _to it, and he was more than pleased to have a woman to his arm tonight who more than shared his opinion, probably one of the few _opinions _they shared. The plan was simple showing as a lovely simple _rich _couple who wanted to discover the world, He (Tony) is supposed to be a busy businessman who fell in love with a mysterious woman and married her right away, it was supposed to take time, but eventually she (Olivia) was supposed to feel forsaken and turn to the first man who crosses her way "Le chevalier blanc" with some luck, earning his trust and eventually getting into his business, yes it would've been much easier to shoot him down but Mr. Percy wanted it clean and quiet and to make it much simpler he wanted the names of every member on his circle. It wasn't her first rodeo, she's used to do this, what wasn't usual and he could sense it a mile away was _him_ on this kind of missions. But a guy like Francis was very suspicious and nobody's been able to get a foot in his circle. And a woman, being _single,_ with her … what's the polite word 'attributes' would be quite suspect. That's the reason he gave to Percy anyway to convince him, and to be honest he's kind of regretting it right now given his inability at keeping any semblance of self-control.

And here they were at their table, lost in each other's eyes playing their roles perfectly, _a little too perfect_ said the strange voice of his conscience making its presence known. Of course every head turned right away at their entrance, probably watching the mind-blowing, spectacular creature walking gracefully by his side, and suddenly he felt his ears burning, shit he was out of character again, he's supposed to be uninterested, careless and now he's looking like a jealous jerk protecting possessively what's his.

"Is he here?" she asks with a plastered smile on her face

"Yes I spotted him five minutes ago, he's with a woman" he answers with the same shiny smile, trying to look like _fools in love_,

"Uh gonna be tough huh!" he laughed softly she has no idea how irresistible she is has she? "His eyes are locked on you for 4 minutes or so" he answered as he grabs her hand and plants a soft kiss on it. "Wanna dance Mrs. Grant?"

"With pleasure Mr. Grant" she answers politely as he drags her to the dance floor

They sway to the rhythm as one, staying at a reasonable distance in the beginning and getting closer with every move they make, he could stay like that forever staring at her beautiful features, she looks so serene, at ease, she fits into his arms, it feels like she was made to remain there, like she was made for him, he fight desperately the urge of lifting her chin and kissing her, as if she read his mind she turns her head slightly looking into his eyes, and at that moment, everything else vanished, the constants, Percy, Amanda, Division, Birkhoff's permanent warnings, even Kasim was nothing but throwaway details, all that matters was them, and he gives in, he stops fighting, he stops brushing off, at that moment she was his and he was hers, he leans down slowly and plants a chaste kiss on her lips, and what started as a gentle innocent kiss quickly turns into a whole different thing as she parts her lips slightly and he slips his tongue inside her mouth searching hers, teasing hers, it didn't feel normal there was no way in hell this was normal, he could feel electricity all over his body, his heart racing at an unreasonable speed, and his brain intoxicated with whatever this was, his conscience, for the first time silent probably shocked at the amazing, aching feeling that was pacing back and forth through his whole body. At that moment, denying wasn't an option anymore, she is hot, god knows how attractive this woman is, but that wasn't it, there was more, a lot more, he was falling for her, he might be falling for her for a while now, he was screwed, and you wanna know the worst thing about that, he didn't give a damn, **The second his mouth touched hers he knew it, he just put a foot in heaven, or was it hell? He didn't know, how could he with her wrapped into his arms, and frankly either way, it didn't matter anymore as long as she stays there, as long as she stays his… **


End file.
